Utopiax

My essay.

August 11, 2006
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Alexis Thaler Martin                                                                          0536-XXX Martin 1

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SL English Personal Essay

11 August 2006

 

A Different Perspective

            The world today is full of stereotypes, ranging from the clothes we wear, our religion, our sexuality, even our state of mind. Not many people can escape these days from a label. But, I can say that I am proud of whom I am, and that even though I am diagnosed with OCD, discovering who I really am has changed me to become the unique and witty person I am today.

            OCD (or also known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is a chemical imbalance in the brain, causing the person who is diagnosed with it to stress about menial tasks and ideas that normal people don’t care about. For instance, hand washing was a complete chore for me everyday until I became in control of my actions. It felt as if the time I spent awake in a day was multiplied by 3 caused by all the “rituals” my brain caused me to have. I’ve had this disorder my whole life, but at a young age, I didn’t comprehend what it was, and was never diagnosed with the condition until five years ago. Friends would get infuriated with me easily because I repeated many things around them, and was slowing them down during their day. I felt as if I had no control of myself, and I gave up. People saw me a freak because I constantly wanted to be clean, or was wiping my mouth on my sleeve, believing that I had germs on my mouth that could cause me to get sick.  For awhile, I was a mess. My friends couldn’t rely on me sometimes, and I became depressed. My schoolwork began to take a toll for the worse, and my usual great grades slipped. Teachers started to worry about me, and tried to console me through my troubles. 

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I felt as if I couldn’t talk to anyone…that I was the only one in the world who had this condition.

            I moved to
Daytona Beach when I was in sixth grade, and my parents saw that I was miserable, and I desperately wanted to be like all the other kids in middle school.  They saw this move as a fresh opportunity to begin my life again with new friends.  I started to see a professional about my habits and rituals, and she aided me to discover how to circumvent my habits, and put the extra energy in something positive, like swimming, or pottery.  Also, I discovered that the main trigger to my rituals was extraneous stress. Currently, I try to keep my stress levels to a minimum so that I won’t relapse and become a tortured soul again.

            Discovering that I have OCD has helped me to blossom into the person I am today. I’ve realized that I am not like other people, regarding my style and personality. I’m proud that I have been able to alter my stereotype to something that I can say, hey, I’m me and I’m not going to change. A decent amount of my friends that I have been able to trust know about my disorder, but accept me as I am.  They know that I will always be loyal to them, and if they ever are in trouble, I will be there to save them. I think that being conflicted with OCD has given me an advantage over most people in letting me visualize that everyone on this earth is different and unique, and before we have peace and harmony, we must accept each other’s faults. Then, we can all become free from everything else that is wrong, or “evil” in a sense. OCD makes me think of how lucky I am to be able to still function normally, if not in better condition. I am grateful for how it

 

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has made me blossom into a young, respectful lady. Stereotypes may still label me as a nutcase, or a problem person, but, I believe in my heart that I am none of these things,

and that as I accept the fact that I will never be perfect, it doesn’t matter what people think of me. This isn’t a curse; OCD is a blessing.

 

Word Count: 713


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ramblings.

July 15, 2006
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I just don’t understand it sometimes…(life, if you know what I mean). I watch as the people who influence me and I influence them find their happy ending, yet I never do. Am I condemned to living a life of wandering over the planet, doing good and sharing all of me in to little bread crumbs and receive none in return? I just don’t understand. Maybe becoming emo isn’t such a bad idea, since I have these ravings.

Why is it that I never receive emotional happiness and only physical happiness, with useless items to decor the body and the environment? Is it because I am “bad” or “evil”? Did I ever do something wrong?

 I try to be nice. I try to be polite. Even when I do something right, somebody usually gets hurt. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. No more.


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Tetris Music Blazing.

May 16, 2006
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I love limewire. It's like I just opened my eyes for the first time. I am sooooo happy. I looooove da music!

Anyways. Life is good. I think.

Hehehehe.

Summer is here again.


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The end of the tunnel.

May 10, 2006
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I found the cliff. And I fell off.  Now I'm waiting for them to reach down and pluck me out.

11 days till school is over and I can't wait. I'm tired of trudging to my classes every single freaking day. Besides, I'm ready to be by myself for awhile.

Zilla and I are doing a project on Nazi Germany and she is dressing as Hitler and I as a soldier. Hurrah. It's going to be good.

I'm bored. Goodbye.

Tirth is ignoring me 😦


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Show me love ’till I’m screaming for more.

May 8, 2006
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I’ve been really worried about these fires around my house. They’re getting too close for my liking…

Anyways, I’m displaying my artwork in a show on Saturday, and I’m going to try and sell them. I wonder if anyone would buy them?

I have decided that I am now an electronic freak (in the music sense and tech gadgets). I guess I feel good being an uber nerd and fitting in with them…and being the only girl too. I like the company of all guys. Less talking and more playing. Less to wonder about. And they all respect me. On the music note, I’ve restablished my roots in electronica and it feels wonderful. I love it…it was stuck in my head all day.

I would like to be referred to as: Lex, the uber girl. hahahahaha.


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We’ll liv on th’ fatta lan

May 3, 2006
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Summer is just around the corner folks. Final exams are in a couple of days, and I just took the AP World History Exam today.  I've realized I have no idea what my summer is to encouter, except I'm working at Art Haus. My friends are either leaving or don't know what they are doing.  Hmmm.

I want to go the Rocky Horror Picture Show this summer. And I want to go to Warped Tour with some friends. If anyone is interested in going, just respond to me soon.

 Internet Addiction. 


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My Journey to the Land of Milk and Honey….well, maybe Target.

April 21, 2006
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Today is Friday, which means it’s the weekend. Hurrah. Now I can relax.  I went to Walmart today to get my nails done, and I saw tons of prom drones there. Bleh. They make me sick.  Everyone deserted me today, either going to another state, or to the middle part of the state, or just going home and deserting me. Hmm. Whatever. It’s so hard to type in these stupid nails. UGH. I’m pealing them off monday. YAY.

Prom is tomorrow and EDBD is next Sunday! I can’t wait for both. But in the meantime and seamtime, keep it real. Yo. ROFL.

Bored. Out . Of . My. Mind.


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April 14, 2006
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I need some people to dress up with me like the characters in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Anyone take the bid? Trust me, prancing around in costumes on the last  day of school is fun.

Want to inquire me about what I am doing for my birthday? Well, comment on some of my posts, and maybe I shall tell you.