Utopiax

Arise from the dead.

July 12, 2006
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I’m baaaaaaack! I’ve been in New York the past two weeks, which was extremely boring. Kinda. I read 4 books, including the sequel to A Million Little Pieces which was depressing. I also started running. I met two really hot french kids there, but, unfortunately, as my luck goes, they were taken. Hmph. That’s okay, I have someone here in mind. ::Sigh:: ^^ Not sure where that one is going either, but, I’m taking it one day at a time. I can’t believe that summer is almost over again. It just seemed like it was just yesterday that we got out of school. Time flies, doesn’t it?

My hair is now 1 inch long, and white blond. Yes, it looks different, but I love it, and that’s all that matters. I plan to dye it red soon.

It’s official! I am a proud owner of a 2001 VW Beetle Turbo in Red. I’m so happy! It’s my dream car, and I have finally been able to acheive it! Now, if only I could drive…plus use a stick shift….

This is going to be a good year, I can tell.

 l33t m4st3r


A satire, unusally

June 14, 2006
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The mystery man Has finally unveIled his mask of mySteriousness, which leads to more coNfusion.  Which, I find, is perfectly fine, since I cAn wait for what I want. Who knows what this sad, cruel world will give ME, and hopefully It is Soethng remarabl.


June 8, 2006
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Has this world turned upside down, and inside out, or is it just my heart?

Love and temptation plays at my heartstrings, and I'm not sure what I am now. My sanity has been a roller coaster, but I like it. I like this feeling. I haven't felt like this in awhile.  I guess that's good. What is meant to be, is meant to be.

 Anyways, on Monday, I went to Razzles with some good friends, and danced the night away.  It got kind of loud and crowded, and I got a little claustrophobic. Not good, but, I had a really good time. Really good. Uber good. Fantastical good. Hehehe. Orgasmic Chicken. Yeahhhhhhhhhh, Lol. I think the Oromond friends and I need to go to Houligans. SOON.  I miss them. Haven't seen the majority of them since school let out. Maybe that's a good thing. Nah. Just kidding.

 Eyes- darkest darkest darkest brown that pierce your skin away at the merest glance.

g'bai


Riding the Fence.

April 19, 2006
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Ever felt like you were stuck in the middle of something, and couldn't possibly escape? Well, that's me, in a nutshell. So many things happen so often, it's like I am being bombarded with millions of questions. I'm ready to break from these chains of entrapment, and sail away, on my little ship, to my Utopiax. Ah, to be away, from everything and everyone, is to be utterly desired, but never acheived. I couldn't imagine it if I even dared.

Sometimes I just don't know how to feel. Emotions don't come like a geyser to me anymore. I've become someone I want to be: cold, hard, incompassionate, but I don't want to be that either. I hate how I expose too much or too little, or the wrong thing at the right time. I'm a living, breathing paradox. Heh. Maybe I like that. It sounds jovial to me.

Hmmmm. It seems to me that most of my friends are slipping away from me. I don't even know who they are anymore. I've heard the rumors, and I don't want to believe them. I just want to say it's all wrong. I want time to slip back to the time when I wasn't like this.  When I wasn't at mortal combat with people I had previously loved, and the losing of a friend. It makes me depressed to think of these things, yet when I try not to, I do it even more. I like being alone now. Being around people just means I could slip and allow this verbal spewing out. Why risk something when I could prevent it?

Could it be said that a human being can be a supernatural being, since we can alter our own future and past? We can predict.

Wow, I sound emo. Sorry guys, just having some patchy times here.

I swear, I'll be okay.


Over and out.

April 18, 2006
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Today is a monday. Another sleep-depriven day, that everyone sheepishly drags their carcasses around school. I can say the same for myself, except, today, I was different.  I wasn't in the crowd today, I was just there.  I was drifting…not really paying attention.  Why really express what I feel when no one wants to hear about it in this crap world? I do have feelings here. It's just that at the tip of all the loving compassion in my being, I have a hole, that's been ripped open by the past, letting my emotions ooze over everything. I guess you can say I an impassionate now. So much of my love was spread, that there is none left to be given.  I've tried so hard in my life to be great and sympathetic, but, why should I give so much, when what I need is someone to give to me? My dreams have been shattered too many times, yet I just picked up the pieces again, and travelled on.  I'm just so damn tired from travelling that path. I'm ready to be impressed, and inspired to carry on with my life. Right now it's just…there, with nothing as the filling part of my body. Just a lump in a world of lumps that is full of crap. Ohhh, so vulgar. Bleh.

I miss the good ol' days. But, I don't really, because I don't remember what those days were. I never had any before.

 The world and life can be so complicated at times. I wish I could understand. But, then I would be selfish and not tell anyone about it.  My own secret, that no one else would comprehend.  I just don't know anymore.

I'm over.

P.S.- Excuse my rambling, if you do care.